Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
