I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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