so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
