dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
