I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
