theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
