The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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