my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
