Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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