Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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