Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
