So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
