i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
