You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
