Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
