I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
