Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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