oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
