fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
