I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
