i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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