TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
