I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
