trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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