Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
