found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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