So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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