I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
