Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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