Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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