it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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