We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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