can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
