Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
