is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
