he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
