please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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