Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
