I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
