I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
