The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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