absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
