Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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