Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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