Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
