At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
