I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
