He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
