Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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