I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
