Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
