he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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