You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize