the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
