if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
