you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize