i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
barbara walters just said penis...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize