He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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