i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
