my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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