i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize