in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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