u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His hands were made for my vagina.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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