Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
