Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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