New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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