My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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