Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
