1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
