I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
