I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
