My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize